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  • Writer's pictureSusan Ordway

Pitfalls of People Pleasing

What is your default setting: pleasing yourself or pleasing others?

Being a people pleaser can put you on a path to frustration, fear of rejection, low self esteem and maladaptive coping habits.

Take a moment to see if any of these statements ring true for you:

  • I am motivated by external validation and approval

  • I conform to others’ opinions to avoid conflict

  • I take care of others’ emotions and not my own

  • I offer unsolicited advice and problem solving

Do these sound familiar?

People pleasing may not be your default setting but this behavior is encouraged in young women.

Throw a rock in any direction and you’ll hit a woman who recognizes these tendencies in herself.

What to do? Try these steps:

  1. Practice saying no

  2. Stop offering unsolicited advice or problem solving

  3. Turn inward for reassurance

  4. Stop reflexively apologizing

  5. Make your own decisions without consulting others and commit to them

  6. Do something for yourself — put yourself first!

Need more insights on people pleasing and how to step away from it? Reach out for a complimentary consultation


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